Today is a day I never dreamed would happen. Never in my wildest imagination from childhood until last Fall did I ever think I would have to say (or experience) this: Today is my last day working for Kanakuk. I never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever thought this day would come. My whole life I only dreamed of working for Kanakuk. I never thought about doing anything else (except for a couple of weeks in 6th grade when I wanted to be a fighter pilot). All I've ever wanted to do is work for Kanakuk. All of my life plans were made around working for Kanakuk. I never thought about a creative college major because I knew I'd spend my life working for Kanakuk.
I bleed Kanakomo blue. I do. I love Kanakuk more than any single person on the earth. I think I can say that as a fact. No one loves Kanakuk more than I do. No one is more concerned about the reputation of Kanakuk than I am. Growing up, every good choice I made was because of Kanakuk. Why didn't I drink in college. . .because I didn't want to hurt Kanakuk's name (and so on). Kanakuk has been my life! This is my 35th summer at Kankauk. . .and my last.
As I write this I am sad. Don't get me wrong. . .I am SO HOPEFUL for Camp Kivu and what the Lord has in store for the Braner family and for Kivu. I know that we are doing the right thing. I am super excited and I cannot wait to get Kivu up and running. However, at the same time, I feel like I am in mourning for the end of my Kanakuk era. My heart is breaking. I feel like a piece of me has died. I know that sounds dramatic, but that is how I feel.
At the end of "You've Got Mail," Meg Ryan is standing in her shop. She owned a children's book store that her mother owned before her. It was a darling and personal store. She knew her customers and they loved her. It had been in her family for 42 years and she had to close because a big "Fox Books" moved in across the street. Anyway, she is standing in her empty store just looking around and she said that a piece of her has died. That is how I feel.
I feel like as I close this chapter a huge piece of me has died. So much of who I am has been wrapped up in Kanakuk for so long. My entire Kanakuk identity and everything that goes with it is finished after today. It is really hard to explain these feelings I am having. I'm not really even sure what to do with these feelings I am having. So I'm writing.
Today is my last day at Kanakuk.
Thanks for the memories. . .memories stretching back my ENTIRE life. Memories of a five year old sitting in my sand box watching basketball specialty. Memories of a kamper in cabin one. . .every morning waking up early and waiting for Pardner, my great grandmother, come to water the flowers--I would get SO excited to see her every morning. Memories of a little girl "working" with my Gran'ma in her office. . .pressing flowers and watching all of the kampers walk by. Sitting by my dad while he drove the bus for many Super Deal trips. Waiting for Pappy to drive into kamp in his red truck so that I could ride home with him and spend several days with he and Gran'ma. Fun babysitters and terrible babysitters. . .one so bad we wished the chicken pox on her and SHE GOT IT!!! Fun times at the dock with dock daddies who made me feel so special. Memories of me and my best kamp friend, Libby, every summer at K1 and K2. . ."I don't need anything but Lib. . ." T and Jerry. . .the cute chiefs at K1 during the summer of 1987. Mini princess at K1 and "How The Grinch Stole Kanakomo." The optional Wild trip for girls at K2 with Lynda. Princess at K2 with Kirtty and "At The Hop With The Kiowas." K1 kameper for 9 years (4 years in cabin one) and then three more years at K2. Great kamp crushes that I will laugh about for many more years to come. Being a counselor with one amazing cabin for a month followed by the most challenging cabin ever in kamp history (maybe, maybe not). My first summer married. . .living in a tent for 74 days while we tried to start KCO. The first summer of K-Extreme and the excitement of a new kamp. 2001. . .the summer KCO had a home and then 2002 the Fire Summer! I feel like I could go on forever. I was a kamp kid. Now I'm a kamp mom. Crazy.
Today is my last. I have no regrets. Kanakuk (Kanakomo) will always hold a very dear and special place in my heart. . .it is so much of who I am. But today is the last and my heart is broken. How I can I explain it? I can't. . . . . .
I bleed Kanakomo blue. I do. I love Kanakuk more than any single person on the earth. I think I can say that as a fact. No one loves Kanakuk more than I do. No one is more concerned about the reputation of Kanakuk than I am. Growing up, every good choice I made was because of Kanakuk. Why didn't I drink in college. . .because I didn't want to hurt Kanakuk's name (and so on). Kanakuk has been my life! This is my 35th summer at Kankauk. . .and my last.
As I write this I am sad. Don't get me wrong. . .I am SO HOPEFUL for Camp Kivu and what the Lord has in store for the Braner family and for Kivu. I know that we are doing the right thing. I am super excited and I cannot wait to get Kivu up and running. However, at the same time, I feel like I am in mourning for the end of my Kanakuk era. My heart is breaking. I feel like a piece of me has died. I know that sounds dramatic, but that is how I feel.
At the end of "You've Got Mail," Meg Ryan is standing in her shop. She owned a children's book store that her mother owned before her. It was a darling and personal store. She knew her customers and they loved her. It had been in her family for 42 years and she had to close because a big "Fox Books" moved in across the street. Anyway, she is standing in her empty store just looking around and she said that a piece of her has died. That is how I feel.
I feel like as I close this chapter a huge piece of me has died. So much of who I am has been wrapped up in Kanakuk for so long. My entire Kanakuk identity and everything that goes with it is finished after today. It is really hard to explain these feelings I am having. I'm not really even sure what to do with these feelings I am having. So I'm writing.
Today is my last day at Kanakuk.
Thanks for the memories. . .memories stretching back my ENTIRE life. Memories of a five year old sitting in my sand box watching basketball specialty. Memories of a kamper in cabin one. . .every morning waking up early and waiting for Pardner, my great grandmother, come to water the flowers--I would get SO excited to see her every morning. Memories of a little girl "working" with my Gran'ma in her office. . .pressing flowers and watching all of the kampers walk by. Sitting by my dad while he drove the bus for many Super Deal trips. Waiting for Pappy to drive into kamp in his red truck so that I could ride home with him and spend several days with he and Gran'ma. Fun babysitters and terrible babysitters. . .one so bad we wished the chicken pox on her and SHE GOT IT!!! Fun times at the dock with dock daddies who made me feel so special. Memories of me and my best kamp friend, Libby, every summer at K1 and K2. . ."I don't need anything but Lib. . ." T and Jerry. . .the cute chiefs at K1 during the summer of 1987. Mini princess at K1 and "How The Grinch Stole Kanakomo." The optional Wild trip for girls at K2 with Lynda. Princess at K2 with Kirtty and "At The Hop With The Kiowas." K1 kameper for 9 years (4 years in cabin one) and then three more years at K2. Great kamp crushes that I will laugh about for many more years to come. Being a counselor with one amazing cabin for a month followed by the most challenging cabin ever in kamp history (maybe, maybe not). My first summer married. . .living in a tent for 74 days while we tried to start KCO. The first summer of K-Extreme and the excitement of a new kamp. 2001. . .the summer KCO had a home and then 2002 the Fire Summer! I feel like I could go on forever. I was a kamp kid. Now I'm a kamp mom. Crazy.
Today is my last. I have no regrets. Kanakuk (Kanakomo) will always hold a very dear and special place in my heart. . .it is so much of who I am. But today is the last and my heart is broken. How I can I explain it? I can't. . . . . .
Comments
Thank you for sharing your heart.
We can't WAIT to visit again Camp Kivu!!!
We love you & miss you!!!
We are out of town when you are here for AF... we're celebrating my mom's 70th.
See you soon!!!
xoxo
xoxo
Would love to visit you guys there someday. Heard J and T were having a great time. What a blessing. :)
Thanks so much for sharing your heart. It will be exciting to watch your new journey unfold. You are in our thoughts and prayers. Can't wait to come and visit!
What a great new journey you and Andy are on with Kivu. So happy for you.
By the way-I think I had the most challenging cabin as a K2 counselor. They made me never want to walk through the kamp gates again. But thanks to sweet Sharon Dodd-kamp holds a dear place in my heart.
Miss waving to you in the pick up line!