Well, I got news from Rwanda this morning. . .and it isn't what I wanted to hear. The director of Lionel's home emailed me and said that she heard from Lionel's uncle yesterday. The uncle contacted Chantal to say that when he said Lionel could be adopted (this summer) that he wasn't in the right frame of mind because his son was dying. He said that now he does not wish for Lionel to be adopted. Her email did not say if the uncle was going to take Lionel out of the home, it just said that he did not give permission for him to be adopted.
It is an answer. I've been praying for the door to swing wide open or to shut firmly and now the door is absolutely in a firm position. So, on one hand, my prayers have been answered. The waiting and not knowing was so hard on me. . . . but this is not the answer that I wanted and I am broken hearted. Andy is in Colorado right now and I called him crying my little heart out. I am so sad. It just seemed like Lionel was so perfect for our family! And my sadness is so far beyond just that--I don't want him taken out of Chantal's home and out of his wonderful boarding school. He has such a wonderful life in Rwanda and I don't want him to lose that. It is so difficult on so many different levels.
I am confident; however, that God has the best plan for his life and for our lives in mind! I truly am. Through my broken heart, I know that the right child is headed our way that that excites me. . .even though right now I don't want to be excited about anything. I can't wait to see which child God has picked out for us. I'm excited that we will be doing the process "right" and that we can use the "right" orphanage! (Andy isn't 100% sold on continuing with the adoption yet. He has valid reservations about bringing an unknown older child into our home. I respect his reservations and I will continue to pray.)
So, please pray for the Braner family today. Our hearts are broken. I don't even know how I am going to tell Hays. It makes me sick to think about it. Please pray for healing. Please pray for Andy as he wrestles with the decision to continue with the process. Please pray that the nuns at the Catholic orphanage pick the perfect child to be a Braner (should Andy decide to move forward).
I am sad. . .so very sad. . .but hopeful. I cannot wait to see what (who) God has in store for us and I cannot wait to see how our lives are enriched by this unknown boy!
I love Lionel, but I have to let him go.
(Wow, I just reread my post and it is SO much more chipper than I am feeling!)
Comments
I'm so sorry that you have to let him go physically, but he will always be in your heart & prayers!!
We are here for you.
love you
I am so sorry friend. I am so sad for your family and will be praying especially hard for Haye's heart today. We love you and are so excited to know God still has plans!! Plans to prosper and not harm us!!! Praying you find his supernatural peace today!
love you lots!!!
I remember the day that we found out that we Wudassie and Biruk wouldn't be coming home and I was devastated. I will pray for Hays- our Hill took that news so very hard. It is just so much for them (all of us really) to process.
I will say that God is good, He brought us Abe and we really can't imagine our lives without him. That takes time though. Will pray for Andy, you, your child in Rwanda (I think there is one)........hang in there friend.
What a privilege, though, for Lionel to have had you loving him and praying for him all these miles away. He may not know, but I believe your love and prayers for him have not been wasted. On him or on you. I'm hoping for what God will do through this. I'm praying for you...
we are so sorry. our hearts are broken with you and we will be praying for your family and for lionel. we love you!
There is a little girl we know that said something that challenges me ALL the time. When asked how she felt about taking in her sister who would be an 'at risk' adoption, she responded, 'Wouldn't it be better to love her for a day than never to have loved her at all?' Indeed! That is the heart of our Father!!! Praise Him for giving you the grace to go there and love without boundaries, risking the pain for the sake of love because the Gospel is SO VERY WORTH IT and promises to KEEP US!
I haven't met you, but I'm a friend of Andy's from high school. My husband was Kanakuk staff and knew your dad and grandad. I have been reading your blog and have been excited about you adopting Lionel, and I am heartbroken at your devistating news. You guys are in my prayers. And you are so right in what you say in that God has a plan for Lionel and the Braners, but the Bible says to mourn with those that mourn. Just know that we are mourning with you.