If Home Is Where Your Heart Is. . . .

We are moving forward with our adoption again. Our contact in Rwanda, Tim, is going to head to Home of Hopes and ask the nuns to match the Braner family up with a little boy. We are asking for a boy who is between the age of five and eight who was dropped off at the orphanage as a baby. This is the first time in the process that I have been a little scared. I'm not sure why I'm so nervous. I think a six year old would be best for our family at this time. Young, but not too close to Dax and his "domain." I think I am secretly praying that the nuns will say, "we have a wonderful six year old boy who is sweet and loves adventure; and he has a three year old sister, too." Andy would probably just die with that news, but I really would love it! :) So, the praying is on. Please pray that God would give us the perfect child (or children) for our family! A child who will mesh with our crazy kids and our crazy life. A child who will not harm our children b...

So, I didn't realize how much JUNK that we have. It is SO crazy! Even after a HUGE garage sale. . .we still have tons of stuff. Today I got all of my clothes and all of my kids' clothes packed up. I thought that would be a huge task to check of (and it is). . .but there is still so many random things all over the floors. . .hangers here, a belt there, trash around that corner, a stray sock under that shelf. I don't feel any more finished tonight than before I started today. I am doing a great job, though. I am packing what I want and getting rid of the extras. I won't have much random stuff to get rid of once I get to Durango. Thank goodness! Today was our first official good-bye. Maggie had to say goodbye to her friend, Hally. We had a great afternoon: IMAX and Baskin Robins with the Blackwells (no dads, though). And then goodbye was YUCKY!!! It was MUCH harder than I thought it would be (for me). It was so hard to see my baby girl say goodbye to a good ...

Brittany and Tim got married! She was beautiful!!! I had such a great weekend with fun friends and with my kids! My sister-in-law, Jennafer, made the trip to Texas with me and we had a blast! There were TONS of KCO people at the wedding and I loved it! It was nice to get away and not think about moving or "real" life for a couple of days! Gabby and Dax stole the show! You should have seen their moves on the dance floor! Oh my goodness! Enjoy the slideshow!

I think I dreamed about my son last night. I don't remember dreaming about him or anything about the dream. . .I just woke up thinking about my son and it wasn't Lionel. I can't really describe it. He doesn't have a face or a name or a personality or anything, but I had this sense of knowing my son and Lionel's face and personality wasn't associated with that knowing at all. Maybe I've totally gone off the deep end, but I woke up feeling emotionally refreshed in my mourning. Today is a beautiful day. It is Spring. The dog woods are gorgeous and the red buds are out; all of my trees have buds or green leaves. I do feel refreshed and renewed like the Spring. I don't know what God has in store for me or who my son is, but I am ready to see what is in the distance. Thank you for all of your prayers and encouragement. In our continued hurting, your love has been and will be very appreciated and cherished! I have been blessed by my friends, those I k...

It is so tough to watch my boy's heart breaking. . .I pray this will be the last time, but I have a feeling it won't. Sweet, sweet boy! ********** Also, I heard from Bishop today (via Becca). He thinks it will be extremely difficult to change any adoption laws, so Lionel's uncle changing his mind truly is a blessing. . .no matter how badly it hurts. I love to see God's timing as He works His plans in our lives.

I heard from Chantal and it was so good for her to acknowledge that our hearts are breaking. She did give me some good news, though. Lionel will be staying with New Hope Homes and he will get to continue to go to Sonrise School. I am so thankful for that!!! New Hope is his family and Sonrise is an amazing school! His uncle just wants to be able to visit him. I know that is good news! He is happy and thriving. It is just hard to hear that his uncle only wants to visit and not to bring him home into his family. I told Chantal that I will continue to pray Proverbs 3:24 for Lionel as I have been, "When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet."

I got the chance to tell Hays the sad news.  It was a tough conversation and his heart broke.  He is so gentle and compassionate and sweet.  We had some good tears together.  Thankfully, he is home from school today (sick) and so he is having the day to think about it and sleep on it.   I just wanted to post the happy pictures of today.  In the midst of our hearts breaking, life does go on. . .the sun comes up. . .God has good in store for us.  I am ready to see WHO that good is!  I cannot wait to meet our boy. . . whoever he is. . .some little boy sleeping in a Kigali orphanage tonight.  Letting go is difficult, but it is also a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. . .the "not knowing" weight (and wait).   Thank you, God, for loving me enough to give me the very best!  I wait on You expectantly!