I think I dreamed about my son last night. I don't remember dreaming about him or anything about the dream. . .I just woke up thinking about my son and it wasn't Lionel. I can't really describe it. He doesn't have a face or a name or a personality or anything, but I had this sense of knowing my son and Lionel's face and personality wasn't associated with that knowing at all. Maybe I've totally gone off the deep end, but I woke up feeling emotionally refreshed in my mourning.
Today is a beautiful day. It is Spring. The dog woods are gorgeous and the red buds are out; all of my trees have buds or green leaves. I do feel refreshed and renewed like the Spring. I don't know what God has in store for me or who my son is, but I am ready to see what is in the distance.
Thank you for all of your prayers and encouragement. In our continued hurting, your love has been and will be very appreciated and cherished! I have been blessed by my friends, those I know and love and those in the blogging world whom I have never met. Thanks for the posts and the comments and the texts and the phone calls! Thank you! I know different days will bring different hurt and confusion, but today is good.
Please continue to pray for my sweet Hays. Even the donut store put him into tears this morning. . . my tender hearted boy!
This Sunday, Pastor John used Hebrews 11:8 in his sermon and I thought it only applied to me as we move across the country and start our own camp in the unknown, but I think it also applies to my life on this adoption journey (I've highlighted parts myself): "By faith, Abraham, when he was called, obeyed by going out to a place which he was to receive for an inheritance; and he went out, not knowing where he was going."
He also went to Proverbs 4:18, "But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, that shines brighter and brighter until the full day." He reminded us that in the early morning light, even though we can see, we cannot see clearly and as the day brightens we get a more clear glimpse of what lies ahead of us. That is where I am. I know that God's plan for me is good and I know it is on the horizon, but in this dim light of adoption dawn, I can't really make it out! I cannot wait for NOON!
Today is a beautiful day. It is Spring. The dog woods are gorgeous and the red buds are out; all of my trees have buds or green leaves. I do feel refreshed and renewed like the Spring. I don't know what God has in store for me or who my son is, but I am ready to see what is in the distance.
Thank you for all of your prayers and encouragement. In our continued hurting, your love has been and will be very appreciated and cherished! I have been blessed by my friends, those I know and love and those in the blogging world whom I have never met. Thanks for the posts and the comments and the texts and the phone calls! Thank you! I know different days will bring different hurt and confusion, but today is good.
Please continue to pray for my sweet Hays. Even the donut store put him into tears this morning. . . my tender hearted boy!
This Sunday, Pastor John used Hebrews 11:8 in his sermon and I thought it only applied to me as we move across the country and start our own camp in the unknown, but I think it also applies to my life on this adoption journey (I've highlighted parts myself): "By faith, Abraham, when he was called, obeyed by going out to a place which he was to receive for an inheritance; and he went out, not knowing where he was going."
He also went to Proverbs 4:18, "But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, that shines brighter and brighter until the full day." He reminded us that in the early morning light, even though we can see, we cannot see clearly and as the day brightens we get a more clear glimpse of what lies ahead of us. That is where I am. I know that God's plan for me is good and I know it is on the horizon, but in this dim light of adoption dawn, I can't really make it out! I cannot wait for NOON!
Comments
We love the Braners & praying for your hearts. We are sooo torn celebrating your new move, your new life in Durango, but sad to say goodbye!!
I have something very special for you to see on our blog Thursday (just for you!!)
The best is yet to come!!
xoxo
Praying for you feel your pain and will celebrate when you see your son.
We have adopted four and in those 16 years have gone through 4 failed adoption... still pray for each one.
Zane is now swimming and speaking English and he was worth the painful wait.
love and respect,
Shannon Hilliard
El Nido 2008
Em and Moody's friends