If Home Is Where Your Heart Is. . . .

The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children.  Now if we are children, then we are heirs--heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.  (Romans 8:16-17) I used to read this verse and have a combination of the following questions mixed with extreme doubt, skepticism and disbelief: Co-heirs? Equal heirs? Fellow heirs? With Christ? Seriously? So, let me back up a little bit…. Let me take you into my baggage and into my experience with love—past and present.  I grew up thinking, and I still struggle with believing these lies today, that love is two things. ·     Love has favorites. ·     Love is conditional. . . I will never be good enough to earn or deserve or keep someone’s love. I grew up enjoying being most people’s favorite.  It was easy for me and I unknowingly fell into the tr...

Maggie, Tiki and I went to see The Lion King  a few days ago and it was really good.  I loved how close they stayed to the original cartoon, too.  Throughout the movie, I was struck by the role shame plays in Simba's life and how it relates so much to real life. For the "shame" takeaway, the characters are: Mufasa:  God Scar:  Satan Simba:  Man Timon & Pumbaa:  New Friends Nala:  Old Friends Pride Rock:  "Home" The land where Timon & Pumbaa live:  Run Away Land It was so interesting to me to watch shame play out-- it played out like it did in the garden with Adam and Eve and it played out the way I have seen it play out closer to home. . . . Simba was casually following Scar into the gulch to prove something.  At that point, it was fairly harmless just as it is in life.  Often, we need to prove something to ourselves or to others and it is fairly harmless, but in proving something, we are walking b...

When I started my blog many years ago, I ran the title through my head.  I remember thinking about Braner Party of 7 and wondering if I would still call it that if I lost a child and I remember wondering if I would change the title if we ended up adopting again.  Braner Party of 7 had the greatest ring to it (in my ears) and I hoped it would never have to change, but I thought about a couple what if scenarios.  I never once dreamed that I would be changing the title because my marriage was over.  Not only was that not an option in my head, it never even crossed my mind as a reason why Braner Party of 7 may not be a forever title. I love that I was that naive.  I love that I was that hopeful.  I love that I believed in forever so much.  I love that I had that much faith in us  so much. . . . I'm blogging again.  Blogging was so good for my soul and I have been a little bit lost without it.  I didn't know how to blog dishonestly when ...

This weekend we got tagged--I guess that's kind of a trendy way to say that our property was vandalized.  It was just chalk and it was extremely insignificant compared to the millions of examples of hateful vandalism around the country, but it happened all the same.  We washed the hateful words off of the driveway, but in a new way you can still see them--the driveway is much cleaner where the words were and as a result, they are still readable.  I feel like that, personally, right now.  The words are gone, but there is an emotional trace where they were that is nearly as evident as the words themselves were. . . .   Why were we targeted?  I don't know and I'm not going to speculate.  We all know what assuming does and I'm not going to be a part of finger pointing.  But, we were tagged and it stirred up many feelings inside of me and inside of my children.  We realize first hand how much hate is in this world. I didn't post about the inc...

Dear President Elect Trump, I'm not political and I have no desire to be.  I'm an American; however, and I am thankful to be. I have a couple of dear friends who know you personally.  They have described to me a gentleman who is kind and gracious and genuine.  They have described how comfortable they felt around you both in public and in private.  These women have described you to me as the kind of man you would hope for your kids to have as a grandpa (that is a big one for me since I have five kids).  The man they know you to be is respectable and good humored and caring.  They are thankful to know you and I am thankful for them that they can say they know such a man. The man I have seen on TV is so different from the true man they know.  I understand that the media can tangle words and misrepresent people to make them out to be anything they want that person to be.  I am very aware at the media's tendency (obsession?) with creating false ...

I was scrolling Facebook today while my accounting computer spent hours upon hours updating (wish I could do Quick Books for non-profits on a Mac) and I came across this great reminder.  It is an excerpt from C.S. Lewis's The Screwtape Letters .  I read this book decades ago and now I'm thinking about rereading it!  This letter is such a great reminder!!! My Dear Wormwood , I was thrilled to hear you have been making progress with the mother. You have a good lead, from what I hear. She’s feels over-worked, unappreciated, and discouraged? I’m so glad to hear it. If you tread carefully, this can be a great opportunity. With the kids waking her up every hour last night, we already have an advantage. A tired Mom makes for a more emotional Mom, and an emotional Mom is a vulnerable one. I do have a few tips. First, aim your best efforts at her marriage. As you know, we cannot do much with a unified marriage. Luckily for us, a cranky and exhausted wife can do...

So, this year has been so full of changes for our family and like I've posted before, I am so happy to be in Breckenridge and to be on this new journey.  The transition has been pretty bumpy for Andy, though, and I call it the "not having a business card" syndrome.  Right now he is doing many fun things, but he doesn't have a true title or job description and it has been hard on him.  (I am blogging with his permission.) All Fall I have been really frustrated by the funk he has been in at home--his "I don't have a business card" funk.  We got to go on a retreat in October with a bunch of couples and we were the "new kids" at the retreat so there were about a zillion times when people asked us "tell us about yourselves."  Andy's answer was always about his work and my first thought was always about our family and Andy and I's relationship.  I found myself uber annoyed and hurt during the whole retreat as a result. Why did ...