If Home Is Where Your Heart Is. . . .

This weekend we got tagged--I guess that's kind of a trendy way to say that our property was vandalized.  It was just chalk and it was extremely insignificant compared to the millions of examples of hateful vandalism around the country, but it happened all the same.  We washed the hateful words off of the driveway, but in a new way you can still see them--the driveway is much cleaner where the words were and as a result, they are still readable.  I feel like that, personally, right now.  The words are gone, but there is an emotional trace where they were that is nearly as evident as the words themselves were. . . .   Why were we targeted?  I don't know and I'm not going to speculate.  We all know what assuming does and I'm not going to be a part of finger pointing.  But, we were tagged and it stirred up many feelings inside of me and inside of my children.  We realize first hand how much hate is in this world. I didn't post about the inc...

Dear President Elect Trump, I'm not political and I have no desire to be.  I'm an American; however, and I am thankful to be. I have a couple of dear friends who know you personally.  They have described to me a gentleman who is kind and gracious and genuine.  They have described how comfortable they felt around you both in public and in private.  These women have described you to me as the kind of man you would hope for your kids to have as a grandpa (that is a big one for me since I have five kids).  The man they know you to be is respectable and good humored and caring.  They are thankful to know you and I am thankful for them that they can say they know such a man. The man I have seen on TV is so different from the true man they know.  I understand that the media can tangle words and misrepresent people to make them out to be anything they want that person to be.  I am very aware at the media's tendency (obsession?) with creating false ...

I was scrolling Facebook today while my accounting computer spent hours upon hours updating (wish I could do Quick Books for non-profits on a Mac) and I came across this great reminder.  It is an excerpt from C.S. Lewis's The Screwtape Letters .  I read this book decades ago and now I'm thinking about rereading it!  This letter is such a great reminder!!! My Dear Wormwood , I was thrilled to hear you have been making progress with the mother. You have a good lead, from what I hear. She’s feels over-worked, unappreciated, and discouraged? I’m so glad to hear it. If you tread carefully, this can be a great opportunity. With the kids waking her up every hour last night, we already have an advantage. A tired Mom makes for a more emotional Mom, and an emotional Mom is a vulnerable one. I do have a few tips. First, aim your best efforts at her marriage. As you know, we cannot do much with a unified marriage. Luckily for us, a cranky and exhausted wife can do...

So, this year has been so full of changes for our family and like I've posted before, I am so happy to be in Breckenridge and to be on this new journey.  The transition has been pretty bumpy for Andy, though, and I call it the "not having a business card" syndrome.  Right now he is doing many fun things, but he doesn't have a true title or job description and it has been hard on him.  (I am blogging with his permission.) All Fall I have been really frustrated by the funk he has been in at home--his "I don't have a business card" funk.  We got to go on a retreat in October with a bunch of couples and we were the "new kids" at the retreat so there were about a zillion times when people asked us "tell us about yourselves."  Andy's answer was always about his work and my first thought was always about our family and Andy and I's relationship.  I found myself uber annoyed and hurt during the whole retreat as a result. Why did ...

A friend shared this article with me (please read HERE ) after my last post.  I bawled all the way through it! I AM NOT ALONE! I'm so thankful to read that I'm not the only crazy black and frozen hearted you-know-what of a mother!  That doesn't get me off the hook, but it was so refreshing to feel known, if even by a stranger deal with the same stuff. I do have grief I need to deal with regarding Tiki: I still carry a lot of hurt and other feelings as a result of my three miscarriages.  And one of them above all because that baby would have been the same age as Tiki.   I still carry loss--true and deep loss--for the Chinese daughter that was conceived in my heart and is still not in my family.  There is a big hole there with some bitterness and resentment towards Tiki (and Andy). Tiki wasn't the child I headed to Rwanda for.  I would have never considered adopting an older child, but I had met another boy (Lionel) who stole my heart and I went b...

So, this post is going to be vulnerable.  If you're in the mood to criticize, then just stop reading.  If you're in the mood to judge, then stop reading.  Trust me: I'm getting enough criticism and judgement from myself.  But if you're in the mood to pray for me on my journey, then read on and callous those knees on my behalf! Tiki.  Many of you close to me know what a struggle he is for me.  Those of you not close to me see him for what he truly is: a sweet, kind, loving and happy boy who wants to love life and be a friend to all.  See.  I know those things about him.  I am very aware of Tiki's amazing qualities.  He truly is a fantastic boy.  But, up close and day to day, he drives me crazy!  Part of me thinks he drives me crazy because I want so much for him and part of me knows that he drives me crazy because my expectations of him are set too high and for some reason (no matter how hard I try), I cannot lower those ex...

I love that my Birthday is on New Year's Eve because I really get to sum up my year in a tidy fashion (I get to sum it up at the end of the year instead of in the middle and that speaks to part of me). 40 was great.  It was an age I was kind of dreading--having memories of my parents' funeral themed 40th birthday parties--and it was a great age.  (Full disclosure: 41 seems like a really old age to be.)  I think I felt better at 40 and I was happier at 40 and I had more hope at 40 than at any other age (overall). But when I title this post "Whew. . . what a year!" I mean it.  WHEW!  I'm not sure we could have packed many more changes into 2015.  It is literally exhausting to think bout!  We rang in the New Year in Cabo like always and I think that is the only time I could use "like always" to describe anything for this year. Our family was involved in so many new things.  Braces (X4). First loves.  First kisses. Snowboard competitions...