If Home Is Where Your Heart Is. . . .

Wow, I've been a blogging failure the past several months.  It has been a whirlwind!  Between finishing up grad school, ending camp strong, moving to Breckenridge and getting "settled" here. . . blogging has been a desire but not on the top of my priority list! Each time I sit down to think about blogging I get so overwhelmed with how behind I am.  I haven't posted about Maggie's volleyball season this past winter/spring.  I haven't posted about the amazing tenacity I saw in Gabby during that volleyball season (blown away--need to blog about that).  I haven't blogged about summer or Missouri.  I haven't blogged about packing up my house and leaving camp after 41 summers in camping and 15 summers on County Road 501.  I haven't blogged about moving to Breckenridge and why Breck and our house and how the kids are coping and my new "yes" campaign. . . so if I'm that far behind how can I even blog?  (These are the weird and convoluted t...

Camp closing hasn't been sad for me.  I think in the middle of it all I'm just exhausted and ready for a new adventure.  But today all of that changed. Every term we have a Barn Dance.  It started as just another party in 2001, but it was a party we never let go of and we have had one every term and every retreat for the past fifteen years.  The Barn Dance has become the KCO & KIVU trade mark.  Today so many of our alumni have been posting pictures and memories of both KIVU and of the Barn Dance.  I think the Barn Dance makes us all feel like a family and this last one has made us reflective. . . and it has made me a blubbering basket case.  I am sad. Maggie was born here the day before we opened our gates the very first time.  This is the camp that made Andy and I jump out of the next (and the debate is still out whether we are falling or flying).  This place has grown me up and made me a better person. This place holds some of my...

When I'm reading a book, I am all in (if I'm not all in by page three, then I toss it).  I fall in love with the characters, I form opinions (strong opinions) about the plot and I get totally lost and emotionally involved in the story!  I love opening the next chapter (especially after it has spent the day on my night stand).  New chapters bring new depth to the plot, new dimension to the characters, new twists and turns and new information.  I love to read novels. Well, we are at a "next chapter" in our life and I am looking forward to it even more as I would a new chapter in the latest book I'm reading. Twenty years ago Andy spent his first summer with KCO (Kanakuk Colorado).  Fifteen summers ago we spent our first summer out here in Durango at this location and the dream really came alive!  Six summers ago, we debuted at KIVU on the old KCO property and another part to the story began!  Five years ago we began the KIVU Gap Year and because of ...

Typically I can let this just bother me for a few minutes and then I let it roll off (because even though I'm a control freak, I realize I cannot control everyone). . . but I've been off of social media and not watching the news for several days and hopping back into things today all at once has totally set me off and I can't just let it roll off.  So I'm blog-journaling (venting). The amount of hate and massive over generalizations in the news and on social media is making me furious!  Seriously!  I read posts completely (like 100%) over generalizing a population or a culture or a religion or a political party or whatever and I can't stand it.  Seriously.  Until I have met every single Muslim and have had a great open conversation with him or her, then there is no way that I can make a blanket statement about Muslims.  The same goes for Christians.  The same goes about women.  The same goes about a political party.  The same goes for. . ....

The bouquet Maggie and her friends floated down the river from Sawyer's favorite thinking spot. It has been a really hard 27 hours and I have found myself in a deep place of sadness because my two oldest are hurting and confused.  Yesterday morning, the kids at Miller Middle School found out that one of their classmates killed himself.  What do you do with that? I immediately texted Maggie to see what I could do for her and she, the typically chatty tester, was near silent.  She just wanted to be at school around people.  So I sat outside of the school, just wanting to hold on to my baby girl as she mourned and knowing that when she was ready, she would call.  She did and we cried. The pain is so real for her.  Sawyer, that was his name.  Sawyer, the happy and friendly kid who has been in school with her since we moved here. Sawyer, on of "the guys" on the soccer team. Sawyer, the one who's name was so awkwardly skipped during attendance yeste...

 This day makes me so sappy--I am half weepy every year and half so happy and grateful.  But every year I cry for your birth mom.  This lady I do not know, but this lady that gave up so much and in turn, gave me so much.  I think of her as a brave woman.  She carried you to term.  She cared for you as best as she could for several weeks and then she bravely gave you up and placed you at the gate of the best orphanage in Kigali.  I think she's brave.  But I cry for her.  I cry for her because of what must have made her make the decision to give you up.  I cry for her because she doesn't have you any more.  I cannot fathom the hole you would leave in someone's heart forever. There are so many things that I wish she knew about you.  I'm sure when we get to heaven and get to meet and I begin to tell her stories about her spunky daughter that she will nod her head knowingly because you are probably so much like her and like her...

Empty.  I've been thinking about that word a lot today.  It is typically such a negative term that carries such a deep and heavy meaning.  When someone feels empty inside it is said or thought with such deep and hurting emotion.  When your mailbox is empty and you checked it with such great anticipation.  When a fisherman goes out and comes back empty.  There are zillions of ways that empty is used and I'm feel like most of them are negative.  Empty means containing nothing and if you are expecting it to contain something, then that nothing is dark and hopeless. However, today, Easter, empty is a word that brings such humbling joy.  When I just sit back and think of what my Savior did for me, it literally takes my breath away!  On Friday, He went to the cross and bore MY sin knowing full well that I wouldn't be always grateful or always aware and knowing full well that I wouldn't fully turn from my sins at all times.  That is humbli...